Drones

I've got 2 but they're rarely in my lugs, just annoy the f.ck out of me!

Tash are shit ot at fukkin lip reading! 😏 

I rely a lot on lip reading to understand what people, particularly wimmin, are saying to me so need to be facing them to 'hear' them. She spends half the time waiting till I'm leaving the room or have my back turned to make some comment that to her is important, so I spend most of my day dodging back into rooms saying "Eh?" 🙄 

I get, "You never listen to a word I say!" I wonder fukkin why! 😛 

Ein Volk Ein Reich Ein Fuhrer, Sieg Heil! The great dictator that's mine!

A tek the piss outa the "Trouble" when she cloths off ta gu in the ladybower, a move in close ta av a butchers at the back of er legs n stare like fukk, "What the hell are you doing?" she asks. A reply, "Just checkin the bad dose  a fukkin Jack Boot rash thaz got!" 😝 

BANG, another scar for you Dave! I used to take great delight in annoying the ex wife by looking behind me as I was about to climb aboard her, and when she asked why I'd tell her I was thinking of strapping the door across my back for safety. Another favourite was one I saw in a wank mag, put my ear against her flange and say "Think I hear a train coming". Didn't do much shagging afterwards, but it amused me greatly! 🤣 

@pat You need a hearing aid Pat

Got 2 Ian, but they sit quite happily in a drawer rather than annoying the f.ck out of me!

Lobbed mine in the bin, life much quieter! 😛 

Her Aunty used to have one with a long cable leading to a box on her waist, it always used to squeal and crackle, and if you spoke to her the answer was always eh? 

Mick Doherty held out for years against getting his hearing tested because he thought they still give you one of those. Then he saw mine and finally went to the hospital, and they gave him one of those little invisible ones that goes right inside the ear. When he got home he asked me what the strange noise was he could hear. It was the river alongside his house that he'd never heard in the 10 yrs he was there. On the way home he thought there was something up with the car, but it was just the keys jangling with any bump in the road! They can change your life, but can also be a pain in the arse, mine are adjustable to allow for noises coming from places you don't want but still in a pub or anywhere crowded I can't hear what people talking to me are saying but can hear conversations behind me at the bar! They seem happy in the drawer where they live for most of the year, getting occasional outings if there's something on TV without subtitles that I want to watch! 🙄 

Allus put subtitles on but gerrin ta the stage weer findin it ard ta read the fukkers! 😎 

Binoculars!! 🤣 

I save them fer Best Pat to pike the tash accross the roo-ad who gets outa feather every morning completely bollocko! 🤗