STOPPED

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A local eccentric over here (long dead) was stopped many years ago for having a pillion passenger on his moped while displaying an L plate. 

He looked over his shoulder and said "Well f.ck me officer, he wasn't on there when I left Millisle!"

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Reminds mi o when workin az a plant operator workin on a stretch o motorway near Bury. Trundlin along wi a big fukkoff vibrator roller hooked on ta the back o the Cat 955 n wuz rollin graded limestone on a stretch about 2 miles in length. Almost zero revs, slip inta gear n start readin a book, turn around at the end n carry on ta the next chapter, piece o piss till a  got ta the beginnin just at 6pm knock off time. Then the miserable twat of a foreman on the job shouted, "Weerz the fukkin roller? Turned round, no hooked on roller which had come unhooked reight at the far end! Kunt sed, "Tha can gu daahn theer hook it back on n come back befoor tha knocks off! Jumped outa the machine n sed, "Av ,aahh got "Kunt tattooed on mi fukkin forree-ad twat!" Thee gu daahn n hook it up theesen!" Friday neet n am out wi the lads, tha can join uz if tha wants, 9-30 Royal Oak at the borrom o Cemetery Roo-ad." Kunt repoorted mi ta tha gaffer at HQ, laffed iz bollox off when a teld im worrappened, then sent mi to another job Monday morn, New VD clinic bein built near the centre o Sheffield, yippee, no travellin over the Snake Pass n thru the Manchester traffic, set off fer collar at 7am instead o 5-30 am!

So you didn't apply for the job of pox doctors clerk then Dave? 🤣 😆 🤣 🤣 

It wuz built in front o the old Royal Infirmary Bob, now a supermarket, don,t know whether thi stock clap tablets tho? 🤔 

I remember as a kid all us nippers crammed in a little square room on wooden benches in Newcastle Infirmary waiting to have our tonsils removed. Anesthetic in them days was gas,fought like Joe Louis when they clagged that rubber mask on my mug !

A remember avin ta blow in a rubber balloon type thing at the kids clinic dentist Bob, like blowing up a fukkin Durex! Never ad mi tonsils out Bob n wuz really jelous o mi mates that did cos  thi wo given loo-ads o ice cream afterwards. A used ta get really bad tonsilitis in mi late teens n early 20s, like swallerin fukkin razor blades!

Had mine out in Weymouth hossie when I was about 5, along with my younger brother who was maybe 2 or 3 so I was supposed to be in charge of him according to the matron. Took him for a piss and he couldn't find the flap in his pyjamas and pissed himself, turned out he had put them on back to front but I got a slap round the ear from the nurse for not checking. Never forgave her or him for that! I remember there was a bowl of pink chewing gum bits on a table that we were allowed to help ourselves to, tasted like cherries and must've had either painkillers or antibiotics in it.

remember for days afterwards getting just fluids to swallow until they decided I could eat solids again, never had much of owt anyway because the rationing was in force!

A remember az a bin lid avin ta tek the ration card ta the shop ta bi stamped when a went ta run an errand. One time me owd man ad bin on neets at the steelworks and mi Mum ad bin ta the butchers ta get the weekly joint and mi owd man gorrouta feather n saw the state of it eee went fukkin berserek n took mi wi im ta the butchers, towd man steamed in, grabbed the butcher by the throat, dragged im o,er the counter n teld im ta change the meight fer summat weth scoffin n shittin iz sen eee did. Think that wuz mi first experience az a sprog of how Paras behave if thy upsets em!

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There was a good community spirit in them days, I remember somebody killing a pig and everybody in the street was given a bit there was nothing wasted on it trotters ,head the lot was cooked and eaten. It was like a Royal feast to us because of rationing. 

Remember old Evelyn telling me mother she had lost her ration book. She said, I looked everywhere, I even lit a candle and got down looking under the bed and thought It's very bright under here, It had a good right the bloody candle had set my head on fire ! 😧 

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