REMEMBER

😀 😀 😀 Those were the days of Bill and Ben and Muffin the Mule Dave, trying to see everything on a 12"inch flickering screen mate. Remember having to hit the side of the telly with a slipper to put the picture right.

Remember in the 50s when ITV came out? We ad one o them little inside arial boxes tha put on top o the 12 inch screen telly n ad ta walk around the room holdin the arial ta gerra picture on the screen n avin ta stand on top o the sink avin ta hold the fukkin thing above mi crust so mi big bruv cud wetch the fukkin thing!

Us kids used to take turns standing at the top of the stairs with the thing held above the head so Mum could watch the Black And White Minstrels,her favourite. Then her latest boyfriend put an outside aerial on a big pole in the back yard and saved me aching shoulders. Gave me loads of practice for the old holding yer SLR over yer head punishment in later years though!

I wrote about it sometime back...

Children take television for granted nowadays, but I’ll never forget the day we got our first set. Of course, I was just a young lad living in England then. In fact, it happened at a fairly exciting time in my life. As usual, money was short, so my mom sat up all night and knitted me a suit for the school ball. She could not afford to buy me a new one, and even though she ran out of blue wool and had to knit one sleeve and one trouser turn up in pink, I was still incredibly proud as I set off on the 18-mile walk to school, halfway there it started to pour down with rain. Soon, my woollen trousers grew so long that I could not walk in them. Eventually, I had to remove them and throw them in a hole by the side of the road. Luckily, by this time, my jacket had grown so long that it reached the ground, and it all turned out to be a great evening. I was later voted “The boy least likely to succeed at anything he attempted,” which was a huge honour.

The following day at breakfast, my dad was reading the newspaper, and I could not help but notice the headline, “15-foot-long pair of trousers found in a hole, Police are looking into it.” Suddenly, my dad stood up and told us to expect a big surprise that evening. I was slightly concerned because my last big surprise was when I came home from school and found out we had moved house, and no one had bothered to tell me.

Still, we were very excited when Dad returned carrying a large cardboard box that night. He opened it to reveal a brand-new television set. I was amazed. In fact, at the time, I was toasting a slice of bread on a fork in front of the fire, and I got so excited that I fell in, burning my index finger so severely that doctors feared I would never play the flute again.

Of course, we could not actually get a picture because we could not afford an antenna, but that did not stop us, and every evening, we would gather around and watch the blank screen. My mom would only let us watch it for 2 hours per night as she had read that viewing for too long was terrible for the eyes.

These were great times for the family. Sometimes, my mom would make one of her famous stews. We could not afford meat, but she would stew a whole load of veggies and then dangle our pet cat Gerald in the pot for a few moments to add flavour. Mind you, excellent though these times were, they were nothing compared to when we actually got an antenna. We would sit and watch the latest shows like “Emergency Ward 10” and “Dixon of Dock Green”.

Sometimes, we would turn the TV on, and about 10 minutes later, when the picture arrived, we would turn it back off again to watch the little white dot slowly fade away in the middle of the screen.

Of course, it was not much fun for the person stuck in the attic. In England, you must have a TV license, and since we could not afford one, one of us kids would sit in the attic and take turns watching out for the TV Detector Van through a hole in the roof.

Nowadays, most sets are pretty big, but we could only afford a 12-inch screen in those early black-and-white picture days. After a while, my dad had a brainwave and bought a giant magnifying glass. One of us would stand behind the TV and hold the glass over the front; this worked brilliantly, and with the sound turned right up, it was probably one of the first Home Theatres. Of course, this sort of British ingenuity won us Two World Wars, a Eurovision Song Contest and the 1966 World Cup.

So, that’s how television started for me, and I’ve got to say the novelty soon wore off for us kids. With one of us stuck in the attic and another having to stand behind the telly, we didn’t actually get to watch it much.

Ah so many memories brought back there Steve! 🤣 

😀 😀 😀 Still chuckling at that Steve, I hope poor old Gerald didn't dispose of a few dingleberries in the pot. I remember my granny knitting me a ganzie, and in the wet weather it used to stretch to mammoth proportions every hole looked like Cheddar Caves. Arms looking like King Kong. But when you had nothing else you just wore it, and in winter very grateful for it! 

And of course the knitted swimming trunks that hung round your ankles coming out of the water!

Can't see Tom Daley the Knob Jockey diver wearing them Pat. 🤣 🤣 🤣 

That kunt will av a tampax stuck up iz shitter!

Well he's certainly no muff diver Dave! 🤣