HEALTH

🤣 🤣 🤣 If it's washable make sure you have a puncture repair kit!

In the great days of the British Empire, a new Commanding Officer was sent to a South African bush outpost to relieve the retiring Colonel. After welcoming his replacement and showing the usual courtesies (gin and tonic, cucumber sandwiches, etc.) which protocol decrees, the retiring Colonel said, "You must meet my Adjutant, Captain Smithers, he's my right-hand man and is really the strength of this office. His talent is simply boundless.” Smithers was summoned and introduced to the new CO, who was surprised to meet a hunchback, one eyed, toothless, hairless, scabbed and pockmarked specimen of humanity, a particularly unattractive man less than three feet tall. "Smithers, old man, tell your new CO about yourself." "Well, sir, I played cricket for England, won the sword at Sandhurst, won the Military Cross and Bar after three expeditions behind enemy lines. I've represented Great Britain in equestrian events and won a Silver Medal in the middleweight boxing division of the Olympics. I have researched the history of...” At that point, the Colonel interrupted. "Yes, yes, never mind all that, Smithers, he can find all that in your file. Tell him about the day you told the witch doctor to fuck off."

🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 Like it!

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You must've had a run in with that witch doctor as well Dave! 🤣 

That,s reight Pat, asked the kunt ta mek mi look like George Clooney, twat must bi mutt n jeff, finished up like Mickey Rooney! ☹ 

🤣 🤣 Good job you didn't ask to be James Blunt! 🤣 🤣 

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Spose ta be a beez winger that geezer, sounds like someone stranglin a moggy! 😝 

Crap singer but actually a generally nice bloke and does good interviews. He was on Radio 2 and some bloke rung in and slagged him off for being an idiot and his balls not dropping and he recognised the voice and replied "Yes Pte So and So I might have a crap voice, but you're still driving round in a Challenger tank while I am dripping with money and wimmin and driving great sports cars, so who's the idiot?" 🤣 

Can't argue with that 🤣 

Glad eee sed wimmin n not geezers like some o the geezer beez wingers! 😡 

Ooooh who's that mincing through the glen, it's Geogie and his merry men,singing gaily as the go, Donald wears your trousers!