DRY

Nearly pissed mesen yesterday when I had to arrive at the hospital for a ultrasound scan with a full bladder, and had to wait half an hour before it began. Then he pushed the thing on my belly back and forth till I was busting before he allowed me to hop off the bed for a piss, luckily only about 10 feet away. Seemed like a gallon came out before climbing back on the bed for more pressing. Probably have to wait a year now for an appointment to blast the stone in my right kidney when they could've done it before chrimbo during the wasted hour appointment at the stone busting centre! Onwards and backwards!

When I had the prostate thingy, I went up to Canterbury for a scan, like you Pat they gave me a jug full of some liquid to down. Trouble was after they did the scan I was bursting for a slash and couldn't pass a drop.

So I ended up being catheterized until I had the op!

Had the finger up the ring piece test a couple o weeks agu. Blood test result showed a wuz oreight but thi wanted ta mek sure so on the couch sideways, knees up to chin and wait fer the dreaded finger, a hope! Result:- OK but a bit on the hard side so gunna send mi ta the Urology joint just ta check.

Felt like a 21"inch cucumber when he did mine Dave, and they have the neck to say relax old chap, It might be enjoyable for Alan Carr but not for me thank you!

Was talking to Treeman (Chris) Bob and he,s recently had the camera up his Jacksie which he said hurt (Dr.was a fukkin Arab!") When the dish dash wallah had done he said, "You have a tight arse." 😯 

Had both the finger and the camera up my arse (not at the same time!) and hardly noticed it. I think the secret is "Don't fight it!" Mind you I noticed when at least three docs insisted on sticking 2 fingers up my arse (to check for bone fragments allegedly!) after my accident!

Had the camera up the eye of my welt,they squeezed a so called tube of pain killer up there first. Then straight away rammed what felt like a box brownie up there. Made my eyes water. Only to be told that apart from an enlarged prostate which I already knew and my bladder was fine!

Had that one too Bob, after I had a stone that blocked my bladder and a catheter for 5 days or so. Then they went in with the camera and showed me the stone which he said was 8mm and wouldn't block me again. First piss I went for an hour later instant blockage, but I gave a heave and out the stone popped so I assume the camera had widened my piss tube enough to let it through. I didn't find the camera too bad either because the catheter had been in there for days so it wasn't painful at all.

Fukkin ell! Sounds a real pain in the arse! 😩 

Yeah it's that as well Dave, when. Old cucumber fingers decided to check the prostate. I take a little pill called Finasteride to keep the prostate at a reasonable size,seems to work okay. Been on it for about 10 years now.

Dunt tha think ta theesen that when az tha gets owder, God decides ta tek the piss?

Like one of those old Airfix kits Dave, when the glue dries out we start falling apart mate, Where did I put that Gorilla Glue?

Bin tryin ta stick mi knob back on fer a while now Bob! 🙄 

🤣 🤣 🤣 hope it never happens Dave, got to have something to point at the porcelain, even if it does make the rabbits laugh!