Joke of the Day

I still think this one takes some beating, it's the expression of realisation on his mug when he knows he should have a hearing test! I know It's been about a bit but it still makes me laugh! 😀 

😀 😀 

Teacher, Johnny your monitor for the class today, go to the cupboard and give each pupil an exercise book and a pencil !

Johnny, There Aint no pencils Miss!

Teacher, No Johnny, You have no pencils, I have no pencils, They have no pencils, There are no pencils!

Johnny, Well who's got all the feken pencils then?

Poor old Dobbin went to the doctor and said, You have to do something because every time I see a lovely lady I get this huge erection which splits my trousers asunder, very embarrassing!

Doctor, Listen Dobbin lets try encasing it in a steel jacket and strap it to your leg.

Dobbin, That's fine lets try it!

A few day's later there was an article in the London Post which read, Suspected terrorist attack outside Harrods on Oxford street, several ladies from a pipe band were injured by flying shrapnel. The suspected offender was seen to escape on a hairy pogo stick!

😀

Penelope Posspit, 

Went to the tailors to be measured up for a trouser suit, wearing a mini skirt.

The young male assistant, said to his supervisor, How do I take an inside leg measurement. I don't think I should be putting my hands up her skirt!

The Old Supervisor said, Listen Son Take this yardstick stick it up her skirt, pull it down again and deduct the wet from the dry and add two inches for turnups!

😀

🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 

Patrick, comes out the pub pissed as a Handcart, walking through the graveyard he stumbles into an open grave and promptly falls asleep!

In the Morning Patrick wakes up Looks around at the other gravestones and say's, Bloody Hell it's resurrection day and I'm the first one up!

A thief enters a house at night, intending on robbing the entire place. In the dark, he starts hearing:

"Jesus is watching you... Jesus is watching you..."

Panicked, he looks around for the source of the whisper, when he finds a parrot in a cage, with the name "Moses" pinned on it. Relieved, he says:

"Who's the idiot who named a parrot Moses?"

The parrot answers:

"The same idiot that named the pitbull Jesus".

😀 😀 😀 

🤣 🤣 🤣 

bomber pilot

😀 😀 😀 Looks like one of those old Russian MIGs from the 1950s!

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