Joke of the Day

Deaf Freddy and Septimus went to Wetherspoons outside was a notice saying Live Entertainment. Septimus said to Deaf Freddy.when you go to the bar ask the barman what the entertainment is!

Freddy said to the barman,what's the live entertainment mate.

The barman said. It's some country and western!

Freddy returned to the table and Septimus said what's the entertainment then?

Freddy replied he didn't really know,he just said It was some kunt from Preston !

Young lad first Day on the farm. (farmer) go down in the bottom field where there is a big black bull and two cows a white one and a brown one. Come back and tell me when the bull mounts one of the cows.

(Lad) Returns 2 hours later and says, The Black Bull has just shagged the brown cow!

(Farmer) Don't say that lad say the bull has surprised the cow. Just go back and watch again!

(lad) 1 hour later he returns and says, The black bull has just surprised the white cow, he shagged the brown one again! 

😊

A coach load of tourists pulled up by a farmers field, A posh Lady got out and looked about then said to the farm hand in the field.

Why has that cow  no horns?

Farmhand. If you look at that beast over there, it is a Highland and Highlands have horns.

Farmhand. if you look at that beast over there it is an American Longhorn, and Longhorns do have horns.

Farmhand. If you look at that beast over there it is a Jersey and Jersey's do have horns.

Farmhand. But I can see what's confusing you, is the beast you are looking at has no horns because it's a bloody Horse!

🙂

Dave, was part of a large family 3 brothers and 3 sisters. The boys slept in one bed with their father upstairs, and the girls slept in one bed with their mother downstairs.

during the night Dave was awakened by his father, who said Dave something magical has happened. I have the largest, hardest erection I have ever had. So I am going downstairs to give your mother a portion! 

Dave replied, Did you intend taking me with you?

Father replied, Whatever gave you that impression?

Dave replied, Because you have a firm grip on my cock!

🙂 🙂 

Dave met a very beautiful Asian lady called Minjita, they seemed to get on very well and Dave decided to as Minjita to marry him.

Minjita, Well thank you for your proposal Dave, your a lovely man but we wouldn't be compatible because I am a lesbian.

Dave,     What is a lesbian?

Minjita, It is someone who only plays with ladies parts.

Dave,   Oh! that's okay then because I must be a lesbian as well!

A picture is worth a thousand words! 

Little Scouse girl comes home from skoyle and sez to er Ma, "Mum, I,ve bin picked to play Mary in the skoyle play", Mum replies, "Oh that,s brilliant sweeteart!" Little girl sez, " Talk about suitin the part, I aint gorra fukkin clue who the dad iz az well!"

Maude said to George, my breasts are tiny I wish I could make them bigger!

George said try massaging them with toilet paper.

Maude, What good will that do?

George, Well it's worked wonders on your arse!

Nice one Bob! Still struggling like fukk to log on to the site, so keep trying to go thru the process, not like me! Got in touch with the head shed a few times a few times to see wot am duin wrong. Received an email back from some geezer who sed they were abroad and were guin to get a solicitor! Kin ell! av dun fukk all wrong! This time!

While am ere, Mate asked mi if ad remembered ta put mi tick tocks forrad last weekend, "Did a fukk!" a replied.Gid mi one hour less ta see just ow fukkin shit this country az become!

Al keep tryin ta gerron the site. The "Trouble" sed, "Yes, you,re very trying!"

Well you look as though your getting around it Dave, get the jokes in mate! Ian is wanting the games back on, wonder if he'd like to play this one!

😀