• Dave Burgess's Avatar
    4 Hours Ago
    Dave Burgess started a thread DRUGS in Jokes
    Mates missis sed, "I just can,t believe that my personal trainer has got 9 years for selling drugs. Just shows you never know cos I did,nt...
    0 replies | 5 view(s)
  • Dave Burgess's Avatar
    11 Hours Ago
    Dave Burgess started a thread PLAN in Jokes
    Mate sed, "Fukk it! I aint guin ungry when a retire, av gorra plan, Shopliftin!"
    0 replies | 10 view(s)
  • Dave Burgess's Avatar
    1 Day Ago
    Dave Burgess started a thread FISHING in Jokes
    Mate felt az ruff az a bears arse after a sesh last neet so decided ta knock work n gu down ta the harbour fer some fresh North Sea air while duin a...
    0 replies | 10 view(s)
  • Dave Burgess's Avatar
    1 Day Ago
    Dave Burgess started a thread ROLE in Jokes
    Mate sed iz new tash az shown an interest in role play, but she teld im ta "Fukk off!" when eee asked er ta pretend ta talk about climate change in a...
    0 replies | 12 view(s)
  • Dave Burgess's Avatar
    2 Days Ago
    Dave Burgess started a thread GRAVE in Jokes
    Mate sed, "Av just spent an hour down at the Missises grave. She still thinks it,s a fukkin pond!"
    0 replies | 19 view(s)
  • Dave Burgess's Avatar
    2 Days Ago
    Some gud owd toons theer Jack. Used ta luv the owd Yank "Doo Wop" sound.
    44 replies | 16783 view(s)
  • Dave Burgess's Avatar
    2 Days Ago
    Dave Burgess started a thread PRIESTS in Jokes
    Two Priests drivin down the A1 when they get pulled o,er by plod. Plod sez, "Sorry ta pull you over Father but we,re lookin fer two child...
    0 replies | 26 view(s)
  • Dave Burgess's Avatar
    3 Days Ago
    Dave Burgess started a thread WALK in Jokes
    Mate asked iz elderly neighbour if he cud tek er dog fer a walk. "Ofcourse", she sed, "but don,t forget the shit bag." So eee turned to iz missis n...
    0 replies | 17 view(s)
  • Dave Burgess's Avatar
    3 Days Ago
    Dave Burgess started a thread DOG & CAT in Jokes
    Just bin ta Iqbals fer some fags n eee wuz tellin mi that iz 10 year owd Missis wants a pet dog or cat. Eee teld er that dogs o more loyal n...
    0 replies | 18 view(s)
  • Dave Burgess's Avatar
    3 Days Ago
    Dave Burgess replied to a thread ARCHIMEDES in Jokes
    52 years in July fer us Tone.cudda killed er 5 times n still be a free man!
    8 replies | 90 view(s)
  • Dave Burgess's Avatar
    3 Days Ago
    Dave Burgess replied to a thread Kipling knew in Poetry
    Ad a few seshes in Bakewell on Market day Steve, some nice tarts in the battlecruisers especially Bank Holiday Monday. Plenty o farmers theer as...
    9 replies | 108 view(s)
  • Dave Burgess's Avatar
    4 Days Ago
    Dave Burgess started a thread GREENHOUSE in Jokes
    After readin the affects o meat production on the environment a decided ta try that Quorn. Fukkin ell! Went fer a shit this mornin n...
    0 replies | 16 view(s)
  • Dave Burgess's Avatar
    4 Days Ago
    Mince pies, Beautytash! Warmed up then thick fresh cream lobbed on, just the dogs knob!
    14 replies | 107 view(s)
  • Dave Burgess's Avatar
    4 Days Ago
    Dave Burgess started a thread GRANDMOTHER in Jokes
    Percy The Perv sed in the battlecruiser last neet, "Fukkin ell! Yesterday a found out a wuz adopted, n all this time I thought a wuz fukkin mi real...
    0 replies | 16 view(s)
  • Dave Burgess's Avatar
    4 Days Ago
    Dave Burgess replied to a thread Hand in Jokes
    7 days better Taff if thaz got the energy.
    2 replies | 25 view(s)
  • Dave Burgess's Avatar
    5 Days Ago
    If thi put them on Ebay Bob, tash will bi queuin up ta buy one wi quite a few shit stabbers in line
    14 replies | 107 view(s)
  • Dave Burgess's Avatar
    5 Days Ago
    Dave Burgess started a thread CHARGE in Jokes
    Just bin in a health food shop ta ask the price o protein powder. Kunt behind the counter sed undred squids. "Fukk off!" a sed, "That,s Whey...
    0 replies | 18 view(s)
  • Dave Burgess's Avatar
    5 Days Ago
    Dave Burgess replied to a thread ARCHIMEDES in Jokes
    Phew! Thaz a lucky fukker Chris!
    8 replies | 90 view(s)
  • Dave Burgess's Avatar
    5 Days Ago
    Dave Burgess started a thread OW? in Jokes
    Ow duz tha tell if some geezer iz from Hong Kong or China? By the colour o their fukkin mask!
    0 replies | 18 view(s)
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2 Visitor Messages

  1. View Conversation
    Dave. Can you give me a bell on my mob: 07810820763 and I'll phone you back, think I have your num wrong.
    John
  2. Older than I,d like to be,not as fit as I used to be,married for 44 years to Val,my lover and best friend,without her I,d be either locked up or brown bread.Dad,grandad & great grandad,children really are the greatest thing you can posess,keep ya mind young & daft and keep ya body active.After 65 years on this earth and years studying the university of life which included leaving school with f.ck all in the way of qualifications,being sacked aged 17 from an indentured apprenticeship for banjoing the gaffer,6 years in the Parachute Regiment,digging the roads with the paddys,driving heavy plant,roofing contractor,gym owner and finally a postman.After that f.ckin lot I have gained a great insight into life and all the characters that go to make it up,and my conclusion is that some people are put on this earth to make people happy,whil,st others have a burning desire to make people miserable,so in my experience when you come across these twats,the only answer,"one right on the end of the old violin!"
    And finally the motto I live by is summed up in the song which is sung at the very end of that brilliant piss take film.
    "ALWAYS LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE!
Showing Visitor Messages 1 to 2 of 2
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