• Dave Burgess's Avatar
    5 Hours Ago
    Dave Burgess replied to a thread MARS in Jokes
    Fukkin state of er now Chris, ad just eight the fukkin Mars bar!
    3 replies | 42 view(s)
  • Dave Burgess's Avatar
    5 Hours Ago
    Dave Burgess started a thread MEMORY in Jokes
    In memory of George Floyd there will be a social media black out. Yank plod av offered ta take a black out theresens!
    0 replies | 6 view(s)
  • Dave Burgess's Avatar
    21 Hours Ago
    Dave Burgess started a thread WORST in Jokes
    The "Trouble" sed I do the worst impression of opening a tinny she,s ever erd. "Pfftt!"
    0 replies | 34 view(s)
  • Dave Burgess's Avatar
    1 Day Ago
    Dave Burgess started a thread MARS in Jokes
    NASA av disclosed that the first human on Mars could be a tash so that when the geezers arrive their scoff will bi ready!
    3 replies | 42 view(s)
  • Dave Burgess's Avatar
    1 Day Ago
    Dave Burgess started a thread WOODS in Jokes
    Geezer picks a piece o tash up in the battlecruiser n teks er fer a walk in the woods. After a while, she sez," it,s getting dark in...
    0 replies | 34 view(s)
  • Dave Burgess's Avatar
    2 Days Ago
    Dave Burgess started a thread DIANA in Jokes
    Mate sed, "This fukkin cell dog n boo-an o mine iz a reight Princess Diana". "Aaaz tha mean?" I asked. Eee replied, "Fukkin thing...
    0 replies | 33 view(s)
  • Dave Burgess's Avatar
    2 Days Ago
    Dave Burgess replied to a thread Yorkshire Folk in Jokes
    Owd Bernard top workingmans comedian, reight fukkin laff! Wonder why eee never appeared on the Royal Command Performance gig?
    5 replies | 182 view(s)
  • Dave Burgess's Avatar
    2 Days Ago
    Dave Burgess started a thread WOT? in Jokes
    Wot duz tha call a vegetarian wi the shits? A fukkin Smoothie mekker!
    0 replies | 42 view(s)
  • Dave Burgess's Avatar
    3 Days Ago
    Dave Burgess started a thread FLOWERS in Jokes
    Mates missis sed ta im, "You don,t bring me flowers anymore". Eee sed, "Well since this fukkin lockdown thi ant bin many fatal jam jar smashes!"
    0 replies | 57 view(s)
  • Dave Burgess's Avatar
    3 Days Ago
    Dave Burgess replied to a thread Yorkshire Folk in Jokes
    Waint come up on mi machine Chris. Typical Yorkshire, gi thi fukk all!
    5 replies | 182 view(s)
  • Dave Burgess's Avatar
    3 Days Ago
    Dave Burgess replied to a thread Covid antibody tests in Pictures
    Plenty o never do a days collar geezers o,er ere Tone spawned by the Milk Snatcher n er Cronies when thi decided ta shut all our main undustries down...
    99 replies | 2647 view(s)
  • Dave Burgess's Avatar
    3 Days Ago
    Dave Burgess started a thread EDGE in Jokes
    Duz tha know, a just luv livin on the fukkin edge. Fer the past two months av only weshed mi german bands fer 19 seconds at a time!
    0 replies | 42 view(s)
  • Dave Burgess's Avatar
    4 Days Ago
    Dave Burgess replied to a thread Covid antibody tests in Pictures
    A gud twattin iz wot most o these so called "Troubled" bin lids need n costs fukk all apart from a bit o physical effort. "Oh! you can,t do that it,s...
    99 replies | 2647 view(s)
  • Dave Burgess's Avatar
    4 Days Ago
    Dave Burgess started a thread WISHFULL in Jokes
    Wishfull thought of the day: "After much thought I,ve decided to stop being a complete Kunt. I,m going to resign from the post of Prime Minister".
    0 replies | 32 view(s)
  • Dave Burgess's Avatar
    4 Days Ago
    Dave Burgess started a thread SCOUSE in Jokes
    Scouse social distancing rules: Only rob houses 6 feet apart.
    0 replies | 50 view(s)
  • Dave Burgess's Avatar
    5 Days Ago
    Dave Burgess started a thread SEX in Jokes
    Mate picked iz missis up from work n when she gorrin the jam jar she ask ed, "When was the last time you had sex with someone before we met?" ...
    0 replies | 64 view(s)
  • Dave Burgess's Avatar
    6 Days Ago
    Dave Burgess replied to a thread RD'd Again ! in Pictures
    Paypal will get thi thi ackers back Ron.
    41 replies | 2009 view(s)
  • Dave Burgess's Avatar
    6 Days Ago
    Dave Burgess replied to a thread Covid antibody tests in Pictures
    "Its gud news week, someones dropped their guts in ere, contaminating atmosphere". Gud owd toon that!
    99 replies | 2647 view(s)
  • Dave Burgess's Avatar
    6 Days Ago
    Dave Burgess started a thread ADHERING in Jokes
    Mate sed, "The missis n me o adhering ta the social distancing rules, keepin 6 feet apart. Wiv never bin sa fukkin close!"
    0 replies | 55 view(s)
  • Dave Burgess's Avatar
    6 Days Ago
    Dave Burgess replied to a thread Covid antibody tests in Pictures
    Ad a new shower room fitted the other year n fukked off fer a week while it wuz bein fitted. Thi med a nice job but the fukkin bog iz one o them...
    99 replies | 2647 view(s)
  • Dave Burgess's Avatar
    6 Days Ago
    Dave Burgess started a thread SIX FEET in Jokes
    Mate sed, "Av just ad ta kick fukk outa some kunt who wunt stay six feet away from me. Gid iz fukkin guide dog a kick az well!"
    0 replies | 87 view(s)
  • Dave Burgess's Avatar
    1 Week Ago
    Dave Burgess replied to a thread Tasty Japs in Pictures
    Wuz it one o them a knocked out in mi Guardroom Pat? "Daves International Traders" million percent British Made!
    31 replies | 754 view(s)
  • Dave Burgess's Avatar
    1 Week Ago
    Dave Burgess replied to a thread Covid antibody tests in Pictures
    Fukkin shit innit Pat
    99 replies | 2647 view(s)
  • Dave Burgess's Avatar
    1 Week Ago
    Dave Burgess started a thread GAY in Jokes
    Gay geezer who lives on our street kippered the other day. Worra fukkin bummer!
    0 replies | 80 view(s)
  • Dave Burgess's Avatar
    1 Week Ago
    Dave Burgess started a thread OWD IQBAL in Jokes
    Owd Iqbal from the corner shop az bin prosecuted fer tryin ta choke iz Missis. Turns out she were,nt fukkin owd enuff ta eight solids yet!
    0 replies | 88 view(s)
  • Dave Burgess's Avatar
    1 Week Ago
    Dave Burgess replied to a thread RD'd Again ! in Pictures
    Not strictly true Pat, generous az the day iz long mesen but must admit thiz tight kunts everyweer.
    41 replies | 2009 view(s)
  • Dave Burgess's Avatar
    1 Week Ago
    Dave Burgess replied to a thread Covid antibody tests in Pictures
    I av a permanent damp patch weer mi knobend sits in mi underpants n notice a small dewdrop droppin from mi jap eye when bollock naked. Time fer them...
    99 replies | 2647 view(s)
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2 Visitor Messages

  1. View Conversation
    Dave. Can you give me a bell on my mob: 07810820763 and I'll phone you back, think I have your num wrong.
    John
  2. Older than I,d like to be,not as fit as I used to be,married for 44 years to Val,my lover and best friend,without her I,d be either locked up or brown bread.Dad,grandad & great grandad,children really are the greatest thing you can posess,keep ya mind young & daft and keep ya body active.After 65 years on this earth and years studying the university of life which included leaving school with f.ck all in the way of qualifications,being sacked aged 17 from an indentured apprenticeship for banjoing the gaffer,6 years in the Parachute Regiment,digging the roads with the paddys,driving heavy plant,roofing contractor,gym owner and finally a postman.After that f.ckin lot I have gained a great insight into life and all the characters that go to make it up,and my conclusion is that some people are put on this earth to make people happy,whil,st others have a burning desire to make people miserable,so in my experience when you come across these twats,the only answer,"one right on the end of the old violin!"
    And finally the motto I live by is summed up in the song which is sung at the very end of that brilliant piss take film.
    "ALWAYS LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE!
Showing Visitor Messages 1 to 2 of 2
About Dave Burgess

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