DOCTORS

[Dave Burgess]

Same wi bein a short arse Bob.Luvved them brothel creepers n when Elephant John med them big fuukk off platforms popualar a wuz like a pig in shit!

[Dave Burgess]

Same mesen Bob, a wuz dyslexic at skoyle when it came to maths.Learned later when a ad ta mek sure mi wages wo reight and find mi way thru map readin.

[Dave Burgess]

Just buy her a new bag and belt for the J Edgar!

[Dave Burgess]

Doctors av med a breakthru in treating Dyslexia, It,s called Daily Sex!

[Dave Burgess]

I bought the "Trouble" some diamond ear rings fer er birthday n she aint spoke ta mi since.Mind thee, that wuz part o the fukkin deal!

[Dave Burgess]

Mate o mine teld mi eee wuz gunna gerra barnet transplant on the bald patch at the back of iz crust that,ll cost im 10k. "Wot the fukk for?" I asked. Eee replied, "Ta mek mi moor attractive ta wimmin". A sed,"Thaa daft kunt!"...

[Dave Burgess]

Fukkin ell Rab! Owd Johns gorrinuff ta purrip wi, weout addin fukkin brain damage! Tried ta gerron mesen but run outa fukkin Paracetanol!

[Dave Burgess]

Thi reckon that Horatio Nelson was 5 foot tall burriz statue iz 15 ft. Fukkin ell! that,s Horatio of three ta one!

[Dave Burgess]

Wuz sar opposite a cute young tash on the tram taday n she ad big tits n a see thru blouse on. Thought ta mesen, "Hope she gets off soon, av missed 8 fukkin stops already!"

[Dave Burgess]

Mate o mine iz tryin ta mek iz gay current bun moor masculine by fukkin off iz piana lessons n mekkin im tek up boxing. Eee sed "Apart from meal times a mek im wear iz fukkin boxin gloves!"

[Dave Burgess]

Minutes silence in Liverpool yesterday to mark the 35th anniversary of the tragedy at pig land. Only lasted 7 minutes befoor a fukkin car alarm went off!

[Dave Burgess]

Thank God we were Paras once and Young John!

[Dave Burgess]

Hi John, just keep fighting and keep your chin up. Val sends her very Best Wishes to you all and wishes you the Best, it,s a pain in the srse this getting old business, I,ve now got cataracts, too much sun over the years I reckon so now paying the price...

[Dave Burgess]

A sed to a mate o mine, "Waint tha bi embarassed thi missis avin ta ride on a mobility scooter?"
"Will a fukk!" eee replied, "Am just gunna stick a pole on the back n say that sheez nicked a fukkin dodgem car!"

[Dave Burgess]

More people wo killed on the Alec Baldwin flick set than the fukkin Iranian attack on Israel last neet!

Hi Chris, glad all is ok, good of your daughter to invite you to live in the caravan, is it warm enough in winter? If so it will be sound, better if rent free! You,d be able to sell your gaff and have a few bob in your back pocket. I can,t get into the...

[Dave Burgess]

"Trouble" asked if a cud clear the kitchen table. A might be an owd twat but wi a run up a fukkin manages it!

[Dave Burgess]

Cheers Don, will give you a bell if I can arf inch the "Troubles" dog n bone while she,s dossin!

[Dave Burgess]

Next door neighbours current bun came ome from skoyle n sed, "Mum, av failed mi biology test", "I,m your fukkin Dad, you silly little twat!" came the reply!

[Dave Burgess]

Great to hear from you John and sorry to hear of the trials and tribulations health wise you are going through, it must be a big worry for Shirley and the family, I send my best wishes to them all.
I,m still posting this on the old site cos as...