Jokes - The British Airborne Forces Club Forum

HOME

Dave Burgess — Sat, 04 Jul 2026 18:28:54 +0000

Young tash guz ta the quacks, weer eee asks, "What can I do for you my dear?" She replies, "It,s strange but everytime I open my legs I seem to hear, "It,s coming home, it,s coming home". Quack sez, "Nothing to worry about my dear cos just recently every kunt is singing that!"

STROKE

Dave Burgess — Sat, 27 Jun 2026 19:04:07 +0000

Walked inta the gaff after tekkin the dogs out n sed ta the "Trouble" "Phew it,s so hot a don,t know whether am comin or goin", She replied, "Well you are deffo not comin, cos if you were, you,d look like you,ve just had a stroke and was trying to fukkin whistle!"

RED LIGHT

Dave Burgess — Mon, 08 Jun 2026 16:29:35 +0000

Geezer pulls up in the red light district, calls a brass nail over n asks, "Ow much fer anal luv?" brass nail replies, 60 quid" geezer sez, "That,s a bit fukkin steep!" Brass nail sez, "Tight arse", geezer sez, "Oh gu on then!"

GOLF

Dave Burgess — Fri, 29 May 2026 18:49:45 +0000

Young woman on the golf course giz the ball a big wack but slices it ta fukk. Unfortunately the ball hits a nearby geezer who slumps to the floor holding his hands around his crotch squealing like fukk. Young woman runs up to him, apologises n aez, "I,m a doctor, let me take a look". pulls the geezers hands away, unzips iz fly and starts to masage and rub his knob and bollox. "Duz that feel better" she asks. Geezer replies "Ooh that,s luverly but mi thumb is still fukkin killin me!"

Joe Baxi

Dave Burgess — Sat, 16 May 2026 18:43:07 +0000

Nun gets in a Joe Baxi n after a bit driver sez, "Ope tha dunt think am bein cheeky, burrav allus wanted ta kiss a nun. Nun replies , No problem mate but tha can gi mi a big smacker on the lips if tha wants". Driver climbs in the back n giz er a reight smacker, tongue daahn throo-t that lasts fer 5 minutes. Then driver sez, "Ope thaz not too offended about that". "Not all", replies the nun,"A really enjoyed it burrav gorra admit tharram not really a nun, just a ladyboy on iz way to a fancy dress party!"

SYNDROME

Dave Burgess — Thu, 19 Mar 2026 20:03:16 +0000

Geezer guz ta the quacks sufferin wi depression. Tells the quack it gets worse wi the price eee az ta pay when eee puts petrol in iz jam jar, it brings im out in a cowd sweat. Quack az a think fer a bit then replies, "Thaa daft twat, thaz got fukkin Carowners virus!"

Owd Nags

Dave Burgess — Tue, 17 Mar 2026 17:21:03 +0000

A horse n Donkey purrout ta grass in a field n the horse sez ta the Donkey, "In mi prime a won all the top races, "St. Ledger, Derby, Lincoln Andicap n loo-ads o others." Donkey replies, "That,s fukk all, just av a look at this" gets a photo out of a Zebra. Horse sez, "Wot the fukk is that?" Donkey Sez, "That,s me when a used ta play fer Newcastle!"

OWD COUPLE

Dave Burgess — Mon, 16 Mar 2026 17:11:32 +0000

100 year owd geezer n iz 98 year owd Missis wuz asked how they were so fit n healthy at such old ages. geezer replied, "Every day fer 75 years a mek sure a walk 5 miles". When asked, "Why is your wife so healthy as well then?" Owd geezer replied, "Cos she allus follas mi ta mek sure a fukkin do it!!" 😏

Aging

forever young — Sun, 15 Mar 2026 02:32:59 +0000

You know you are old when you can cough, fart, sneeze and pee at the same time

DEMONSTRATION

Dave Burgess — Wed, 11 Mar 2026 19:35:35 +0000

A see that the thick scruffy kunts o marchin in Londonistan this weekend. The last time thi marched wuz when it wuz halted n plod n bomb disposal wuz called cos a mysterious unexplained package wuz found lying in the middle o the roo-ad. Fukkin ell! turned out ta be a fukkin wage packet!