Mate sed that unbeknown ta im iz missis ad bought some o them crotchless clouts.
Eee sed, "Fukkin ell, she wuz sittin on the sofa opposite when she opened er legs so I asked, "Az thaa got some o them crotchless keks on?"
Flutterin er mince pie lids seductively she replied, "Yes Darling."
"Thank fukk!" eee sed, "I thought the stuffin wuz comin outa the fukkin sofa!"